The Blessing of Loving Andy and Zander

I was coaching club volleyball last night when I was talking to another woman about plans for coaching/teaching next year. When I said I'm going to continue to stay home with Zander I got a response of "What a waste" She said this in the context of giving me compliments of being a good good teacher/coach but still....my gut twisted and my heart broke. I understand that she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but I perceived them this way. I don't question if staying at home is the right thing to do for us right now, but it hurts me when people look down upon what I strongly believe is ONE of the most honorable roles that a woman can have. (more on this later)

I confess I have my days... Some days I can't imagine myself doing ANYTHING more rewarding, other days caring for Zander seems like anything but significant. I don't believe for a second that staying home is a waste. Such strong words makes me sad and angry at the people who would think that.

Although my ultimate purpose for staying home is not personal fulfillment. Because in many ways it's a sacrifice (financially, career fulfillment, sometimes mundane activity, etc) But other ways YES, it's fulfilling. I LOVE IT! I get to watch my son grow up before my eyes! I get to enjoy him and the blessings that come along with staying at home. I see this responsibility as a delight not a burden. (almost always) :)

I try to treasure each moment. I am a learner and have learned so much from other moms that have been through it. (A lot of you who are probably reading this actually!) But I pay attention to what people tell me. These are a couple common remarks/advice/warnings.

1. Your kids are only young once. Enjoy them during this stage.
2. Enjoy your happy good sleeping baby now, because your next one will probably be the opposite (although I take this advice with a grain of salt!)
3. Cuddle with them now before they don't want to cuddle anymore. I like this one! :)
4. Cherish the stage they are in never wish they would grow up because you can never have those months/years back.
5. One thing Andy's dad taught him was, The biggest way you can show your children love, is by loving our spouses unconditionally. (Why we REALLY try to go on dates every week!)

Everyday I'm faced with a decision. Will I look at the challenges of motherhood with complaining, resentment, and self-pity, or will I embrace that challenge cheerfully realizing what a blessing it is to stay at home with my first born son? I pray I will choose the 2nd option!

Our desire is to make our life pretty simple. We do simple acts of love that almost always involves quality time with one another. I pray simple things will always be important to Zander as well. We don't need fancy stuff to show how much we love each other. Although sometimes we get nice things because we just believe they are worth it! (ie. big stroller that's nice and tall, good toilet paper, etc!)We are a family of sinners, but sinners who have been transformed by the gospel. This is the ultimate reason I stay home. I hope staying at home with Zander would give more opportunities to teach him God's ways. It has felt good and right to do some small commitments outside the home as well. Personally, I believe this has worked well for our family. It's my prayer and hope that I can maintain a balance between both of these. I'm challenged by Proverbs 31, the wife and mother of excellence. It seems like she also did some work outside the home but her family NEVER lacked anything. The family is ALWAYS her priority. What a challenge! But it's a challenge worth striving for! I wanted to include it, it's been awhile since I have read this passage and I felt like God really spoke to me through it after the conversation last night.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Why did I write this post? Well how I started it was not how I intended to end it! Surprise Surprise! That's how I do i guess! :)

I started it to express how I feel about this issue and how I was hurt. I'm sure this can go both ways. A mom that works could feel hurt by a mom that doesn't by thinking they love their children less because they don't stay at home. I don't believe this to be true AT ALL! There are so many moms that work that are WONDERFUL mom's and love their kids as much as stay at home moms! (ie. my mom and Andy's mom!) I don't judge them at all if that is what works for their family and if they can continue to be the wife/mother that God calls them to be. There is freedom in Christ! Amen! We all value different things and sometimes we can be mean to each other. Including me, sometimes my words are insensitive and hurtful. I'm sorry. God and I are working on this! How I'm ending this post is personally reflecting on How am I REALLY doing in this category? It has caused me to reflect on myself. So, I don't feel like I can close without a challenge to myself and you. (I've been into challenges lately, right Jamie and Bridge?) :)

The challenge is for wives/moms: Of course God is at the center of it all, so are we making our family a priority in our homes? Or is it being crowded by "stuff". This "stuff" can all be really good. Like bible study, ministry opportunities, extended family, hanging out with friends, serving, working, etc. So this may look different for all of us. Personally, Andy and I are in process of looking at our weekly commitments and trying to be careful to balance. We really like to do lots of things, and say YES to all of them so it's easy to have every night of the week busy with at least one of us gone from the home. This needs to change! I also don't feel content with us both being home EVERY night of the week. So I think it is about BALANCE and being honest with God and ourselves. I desire to be a wife and mother of noble character like the one in Proverbs 31. I fail so often, so help me out here! If you would pray for me: That my priority would be the home, and that we would be able to discern how God wants us to use the time He gives us with the capacity that He allows! Let me know if I can pray for you too!

Some of my favorite Mommy Scriptures:

Titus 2:3-5 "Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers .Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

Proverbs 22:6- Train up a child in the way he should go;even when he is old he will not depart from it

Deut. 6:5-7 Love theLord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

1Tim. 5:14- So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.